As I sit on the plane from my little holiday vacation on my way home I find myself in tears. I'm ok when I'm doing everything alone. Being alone. But after spending time with my family I feel more alone than ever. I'm so lonely sometimes I find it unbearable. But I'm strong and I've been doing it or some time. And I'll continue to do it. I've mastered the appearance of making everything seem ok. More than ok. Great. I'm fantastic at putting on a face. While inside it's the complete opposite.
My life is not what I thought it'd be. I always imagined a child, a marriage. And even though I'm not an old spinster yet, I know the dream of having my own child will never come true.
As far as marriage or falling in love......
Well I'm giving up. I do not wish to put my heart in such a vulnerable position.
I'll be ok. I always end up OK.
Who needs it. ;)
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