Criminal

I've been a bad bad girl

Doll Parts

Someday you will ache like I ache

Missing You

As I sit on the plane from my little holiday vacation on my way home I find myself in tears. I'm ok when I'm doing everything alone. Being alone. But after spending time with my family I feel more alone than ever. I'm so lonely sometimes I find it unbearable. But I'm strong and I've been doing it or some time. And I'll continue to do it. I've mastered the appearance of making everything seem ok. More than ok. Great. I'm fantastic at putting on a face. While inside it's the complete opposite.
My life is not what I thought it'd be. I always imagined a child, a marriage. And even though I'm not an old spinster yet, I know the dream of having my own child will never come true.
As far as marriage or falling in love......
Well I'm giving up. I do not wish to put my heart in such a vulnerable position.
I'll be ok. I always end up OK.
Who needs it. ;)

Happy Christmas

Well it's Christmas Day in Las Vegas. It's great to be surrounded by my immediate family. It's been too long. I think I'm come'n to Vegas every year for Christmas.
Happy Christmas! I hope this day is filled with love, peace & happiness to you
all.

XO

Shadowboxer

You made me a shadowboxer, baby
I wanna be ready for what you do
I been swinging around 'cause
I don't know when you're gonna make your move

For Once in My Life

So I'm back to doing things for the holidays by myself. I almost thought that may not be the case. But that changed quickly. But thats ok. My life is a little less stressful because of it.

Don't Get Me Wrong

Wish I was in London for Christmas. It's so beautiful. But don't get me wrong, being in Vegas with my family isn't too shabby either. ;)

Home

Too Young

Lost

Just because I'm losing
Doesn't mean I'm lost
Doesn't mean I'll stop
Doesn't mean I will cross

Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserve
No better and no worse

I just got lost
Every river that I've tried to cross
And every door I ever tried was locked
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off...

You might be a big fish
In a little pond
Doesn't mean you've won
'Cause along may come
A bigger one

How Beautiful You Are

You want to know why I hate you?
Well I'll try and explain...
You remember that day in Paris
When we wandered through the rain
And promised to each other
That we'd always think the same
And dreamed that dream
To be two souls as one
And stopped just as the sun set
And waited for the night
Outside a glittering building
Of glittering glass and burning light...

And in the road before us
Stood a weary greyish man
Who held a child upon his back
A small boy by the hand
The three of them were dressed in rags
And thinner than the air
And all six eyes stared fixedly on you

The father's eyes said "Beautiful!
How beautiful you are!"
The boy's eyes said
"How beautiful!
She shimmers like a star!"
[- From :http://www.elyrics.net/read/c/cure-lyrics/how-beautiful-you-are-lyrics.html -]
The childs eyes uttered nothing
But a mute and utter joy
And filled my heart with shame for us
At the way we are

I turned to look at you
To read my thoughts upon your face
And gazed so deep into your eyes
So beautiful and strange
Until you spoke
And showed me understanding is a dream
"I hate these people staring
Make them go away from me!"

The fathers eyes said "Beautiful!
How beautiful you are!"
The boys eyes said
"How beautiful! She glitters like a star!"
The child's eyes uttered joy
And stilled my heart with sadness
For the way we are

And this is why I hate you
And how I understand
That no-one ever knows or loves another

Or loves another

Criminal

I've been a bad, bad girl
I've been careless with a delicate man
And it's a sad, sad world
When a girl will break a boy just because she can

Don't you tell me to deny it
I've done wrong and I want to suffer for my sins
I've come to you 'cause I need guidance to be true
And I just don't know where I can begin

What I need is a good defense
'Cause I'm feeling like a criminal
And I need to be redeemed
To the one I've sinned against
Because he's all I ever knew of love

Heaven help me for the way I am
Save me from these evil deeds before I get them done
I know tomorrow brings the consequence at hand
But I keep living this day like the next will never come

Oh help me but don't tell me to deny it
I've got to cleanse myself of all these lies 'till I'm good enough for him
I've got a lot to lose and I'm bettin' high so I'm begging you
Before it ends just tell me where to begin

What I need is a good defense
'Cause I'm feeling like a criminal
And I need to be redeemed
To the one I've sinned against
Because he's all I ever knew of love

Let me know the way
Before there's hell to pay
Give me room to lay the law and let me go
I've got to make a play
To make my lover stay
So what would an angel say, the devil wants to know

What I need is a good defense
Cause I'm feelin' like a criminal
And I need to be redeemed
To the one I've sinned against
Because he's all I ever knew of love

What I need is a good defense
'Cause I'm feeling like a criminal
And I need to be redeemed
To the one I've sinned against
Because he's all I ever knew of looooooooooooooooooooooooooove
Yeah yeah yeah uhh uhh uhhhhhh...

Groove is in the Heart

Purple Haze

Is it like today?

He said,
How could it come to this?
I'm really worried about living.
How could it come to this?
Yeah I really want to know about this.
Is it like today?

Dreaming of Me

House of Cards

I don't wanna be your friend
I just wanna be your lover

Little Miss S.

A pretty sight in the middle of the night
Made up for everyone to see

Panic Switch

Waiting
Fading
Floating Away

Do You Realize?

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last

Beg Me

Looks like it's going to be another open season

All I want for Christmas....

So Christmas is almost here. And I can't wait to get out of town to see the family. It'll be good to be with them. Yet a little stressful. A bit like that Holly Hunter film, Home for the Holidays. Which by the way is amazing. If you haven't seen it. Go now. Watch it. You'll enjoy it. Anyway there will be the usual cut downs but then also the warm fuzzy feeling that makes you remember how much you really are loved. So I'll take the good with the bad. The bad is nothing compared to the good. Or so I keep telling myself.

This year has been crazy and I'm glad to be done with it. Every year I stay positive and last year I was thinking this year was gonna be amazing. Well I sure learned my lesson. Still I remain positive.
After all why the hell not?

All these things that I've done

Seriously. Why can't it be done. Why can't it be over. Why is it they come back after your free. After your fine and ready to move on. And how come the ones who seem to be the "good guys" are worse than say someone who is "bad news". Hey at least their shit is upfront.
That way when you see them for who they really are you don't have that problem. You already had a pretty good idea.
What a waste of a year.
I do believe in karma. I believe what goes around comes around. And I know I've done my share of bad deeds. But when am I caught up on all of that?
Next year. Bring it on.

Harvest Moon

When we were lovers
I loved you with all my heart

Under Control

I've kept my heart under control

Trouble

Trouble...
Trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble
Trouble been doggin' my soul since the day I was born
Worry...
Worry, worry, worry, worry
Worry just will not seem to leave my mind alone

When the Stars go Blue

Where do you go when you're lonely
Where do you go when you're blue
Where do you go when you're lonely
I'll follow you
When the stars go blue

Jane Says

Jane says
I never been in love
I don't know what it is
She only knows if someone wants her
I want them if they want me
I only know they want me

Sweetness Follows

I know I use this song occasionally but I love it. It's sad but beautiful.

Two Hearts Beat As One

Today was a good day. Nothing bad or super exciting. Just good ya know. Back to normal.

She's Got You High

A Long December

'

A long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leaving
Oh the days go by so fast

Frosty the SnowMan

My Cherie Amour

Happy Christmas

So Christmas is almost here. Shopping hasn't even begun for me. But life is turning around and I've gotta say I'm looking forward to the future. Good times are ahead. ;)

Is it like today

Santa Baby

Dear Santa,
I'd love you forever if I could get a little peace and happiness. Thanks a bunch.

Kisses
Me

Ride

The Rollercoaster Ride

“Because, that’s the thing about love, really. No one will love you how you want to be loved, they’ll love you in the only ways they know how. Life throws everyone down drastically different paths so how can we expect everyone to love in the same way? The person you’ll spend your lifetime with will love you in their way and you’ll love in yours, and maybe you’ll meet in the middle and it’ll last. None of us know what we’re doing, you see, we’re just fumbling for matches in the dark. If you’re lucky, you might eventually just strike the right one.”

Too Much Time On My Hands

Well, I'm getting back in to the swing of things. Back to doing things on my own. No one else to worry about. Been out of town a couple of times. Buying the occasional presents for myself. Not listening to all that sad music. Although regardless of my attitude I still love a sad love song. Sap.
I'm feeling happy and optimistic. Life is good.

Smile

I couldn't stop laughing, no I just couldn't help myself
See you messed up my mental health I was quite unwell

You are...

I feel done. Over cooked.

Rush

Sweet Disposition

Black

Went out of town this weekend. Was a great time to get away.

Shadowboxer

What a coward. A cheap excuse. A contradiction. A dissociated mess. Finally a lack of respect and care has sunken through.
I'm over you.
Thanks for your help with the matter. ;)

Watching the Wheels

I'm letting go

Sara

And he was just like a great dark wing
Within the wings of a storm
I think I had met my match,
He was singing
And undoing...

Lovesong

However far away I will always love you
However long I stay I will always love you
Whatever words I say I will always love you
I will always love you

These Days

I've been out walking
I don't do too much talking
These days
These days
These days I seem to think a lot
About the things that I forgot to do

And all the times I've had
A chance to

I stop my rambling
I don't do too much gambling these days
These days
These days I seem to think a lot
How all the changes came about my way

And I wonder if I'd see another
Highway
I had a lover
I don't think I'd risk another these days
These days
And if I seem to be afraid
To live the life that I have made in song
It's just that I've been losing
So long

La la la la la
La la

I'd stop my dreaming
I won't do too much scheming these days
These days
These days I sit at corner stones
And count the time the quarter turns to ten
Please don't confront me with my failures
I have not forgotten yet